My Dad

Yesterday was Father's Day and I meant to write this post then but never made it to the computer. I've been thinking about my dad and his influence in my life. As a kid, you never really appreciate your parents and what they do for you. You kind of take your parents for granted. At least that was true for me. But now, I am an adult and a parent myself and can look upon all that my parents have done with a better understanding. So, it is with this improved perspective that I see my parents as amazing people who willingly and literally sacrificed all that they had for their children's benefit.

I can't talk about my dad and exclude my mom because they did it together. They both did their best to provide the basic necessities and more for me and my sisters. The first thing they did was to give us life. Which is not necessarily something for which one usually thank his parents but I specifically want to mention it because I am grateful to be here and to be alive. Being born is the most basic thing about life and it is not a small thing, especially if you're Chinese. In China, you're only allowed to have one child but my parents somehow got away with having three. My mom told me it was because they were in a rural area - I don't know if that meant they weren't watched as closely as those in more urban areas.

Living in rural China, neither of my parents had much schooling. To go to any kind of school, you had to pay tuition and most people ended up just going to school for a few years if they're lucky. My dad got through high school and my mom only attended elementary school. Despite the lack of educational opportunities, being educated was important to my parents. When my sisters and I were born, that was their hope and dream for us.

My dad actually came from a pretty well-to-do family. One of his uncles was a doctor. His father was a computer programmer and his mother was a congresswoman in Taiwan. Unfortunately, he was born in a time of civil war. This was when the Nationalists and the Communists were fighting for control in China. His parents were involved with the Nationalists who fled to Taiwan in defeat. He was just a baby then and ended up being left behind with a relative. Eventually, he was adopted by a couple from the countryside of Guangdong Province. His adopted father had been a teacher. I think he was one of those people who got sent to live in a village as part of the Cultural Revolution. The idea was that to make everyone equal, those who were more middle class had to be retrained to live like the common person. The Cultural Revolution was a social disaster to say the least.

So, my dad was raised by this couple. He and my mom had an arranged marriage, which was very common in rural China. They had three girls - I was the eldest. The other thing about the Chinese is that having a son is more highly desired than having a girl. One of the reasons is that traditionally it is the eldest son's duty to take care of the parents in their old age. If you had a daughter, you had to pay dowry to marry her off and she became a member of someone else's family and took care of her husband's parents. Also, it was considered more important to educate the males. But, my parents only had girls and they thought it was important that we get educated.

When I was about 6 years old, we left the village and moved to a city the the north. My grandfather, my dad's biological father, had found him after years of searching. By then, my grandparents had been divorced, my grandfather had remarried and he and his family had moved to the United States. My grandfather wanted to bring us to the US so we would have better opportunities. This was literally a dream come true for people in my parents' situation. So, we moved to the city while we waited for all the paperwork to be processed. It took two years - that's bureaucracy!

After arriving in the US, the only line of work my dad could do was to work in the kitchen of a Chinese restaurant. Today, nearly 24 years later, he still works 12-hour days at a Chinese restaurant six days a week. He had to work to provide for our family. My sisters and I lived in one of the best school districts in the country. We all did well in school and graduated from college. One of my sisters just got a master's degree from Columbia University.

Our lives are immeasurably better because my parents were willing to leave all behind in China. I am profoundly grateful for my dad's example of hard work and sacrifice so that my sisters and I could live the American dream.